


Is There A Problem?

by LandOfMistAndSecrets



Series: (Homestuck) Tumblr Prompt Fills & Ficlets (SFW) [4]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Earth C (Homestuck), Ficlet, M/M, Post-Canon, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-16
Updated: 2017-11-16
Packaged: 2019-04-25 02:58:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14369421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LandOfMistAndSecrets/pseuds/LandOfMistAndSecrets
Summary: Something about Dirk is scandalizing Jane at breakfast. Something that can be solved with a scarf, but never forgotten.





	Is There A Problem?

Roxy and Jane arrive together, bustling in from the chilly outdoors in a flurry of hot pink and cool cyan. Jane never seems too bothered by the cold, but Roxy is swimming in a coat so thick her head looks almost comical sprouting out the top of it. Not to mention the scarves, spilling out everywhere, trailing behind her. She catches his expression – he must have looked pretty fucking amused – and tosses her hair and lifts her chin like his opinion has only strengthened her dedication to the look. Jane follows after her, smiling and giving them a little wave as she bustles into the booth bench across from them. They both have snowflakes melting in their hair. 

“Good afternoon, ladies,” Jake greets them, flashing them an unfairly charming grin. He toys with the straw in his drink. “Glad to see you made it, weather and all.” 

“Us?” Jane laughs, folding her hands over themselves on the table. “Nonsense. This is nothing, barely a flurry. Frankly, I was afraid it would be the two of you who called off, this week!” Her eyes flicker to Dirk, and she opens her mouth like she wants to keep going, but whatever she’s about to stay gets caught in her throat, and Dirk feels his eyebrows pull down as Jane’s eyes widen and her mouth just kind of hangs there, open. 

“What?” He asks, looking over his shoulder and back again, suddenly nervous. Jane blinks. Her lips fold shut and she sits a little straighter in her seat. She adjusts her sharp cut cyan blazer, and clears her throat. Next to her, Roxy hoists her elbows on the table, rests her chin in one gloved hand, and lets out an extremely undignified little snort. Dirk glares from one to the other. “Jesus, what the fuck? Is there something wrong with my face?” His heart is actually kicking up, his palms going a little damp with nerves. What’s their problem? 

“No, Dirk, your face is as sharply inscrutable as ever,” Jane says, but she’s looking out the window as she says in, and her voice is strained. 

Dirk pins Roxy with a glare he can feel deepening by the second. She meets his eyes and waggles her eyebrows at him, smirking. “What the fuck is her problem,” Dirk demands. 

“Wait, is there a problem?” Jake interjects beside him, and now he sounds nervous, too. Great. “I didn’t think there was a problem. We were just saying hello!” 

“Hello, Jakey,” Roxy agrees, and her scarves are piled so high around her neck and chin her voice is almost muffled into them. “And a great big hello there to you too, Mr. Strider,” she drawls this out like some kind of classical southern belle – her passion for imitating (and exaggerating!) Dave’s goddamn accent has got to stop. Dirk frowns, leaning back in his seat, tapping his fingers on the table. 

“See?” Jake says, sounding relieved. 

“How long have the two of you been here waiting for us?” Roxy goes on, fluttering her eyelashes. Dirk narrows his eyes at her, but she isn’t look at him anymore. 

“Oh, you know. Not long enough to make your entrance unfashionable, I’m sure you’ll be thrilled to know,” Jake says, and Roxy nods along. 

“Long enough to have gotten ‘round to some _extracurriculars_ though, I see!” 

“Erm, what?” 

Jake blinks, tilting his head, and Jane whips her head around and hisses, “Roxy!” 

“Shit, you’re right, that’s silly. They’d never, would they, not in a place like this. This morning, then? Last night…?” She draws this last one out, and Dirk is just gaping at her, because he knows what she’s implying but he has no idea fucking – _why?_

Jane buries her face in her hands and makes a defeated sound, and in utter and bewildering contrast, Jake snaps up ramrod straight and gasps, “Oh!” 

“What the fuck?” Dirk asks again, this time directing it at him. 

“You’re talking about,” Jake makes a general gesture at Dirk, and he’s got these spots of color high and ruddy on his cheeks, but he’s not exactly wilting the way Jane is. 

“Great,” Jane says, muffled into her hands. “Now let’s all endeavor to do our best not to talk about it, please and thank you very much!” 

“Not to talk about _what_?” Dirk demands, and his expression has to be downright thunderous, by now, but Jake just gives him a nervous little laugh, Jane folds her arms on the table and collapses her face down into them, and Roxy waggles her eyebrows at him again.

“How about this,” Roxy says, and she straightens up and starts to unwind one of her scarves – black and purple and probably a gift from Rose. “You put this on and make yourself decent, so poor Jane here can enjoy her dinner without self immolating, how’s that?” She holds it out. 

“Make myself… decent,” Dirk says, eyeing it, and suddenly it clicks. “Oh my god,” he says, startling in his seat, reflexively pulling his collar up while the familiar heat of humiliation floods him. Roxy is laughing, again. Jane makes a defeated sound. He twists and glares daggers at Jake. “You said I looked fine!” He insists, and Jake shrinks back against the wall, but he’s biting his lip to keep from laughing, Dirk knows that god damn look. 

“Well, fuck me, Dirk, you did! You do. You always look damn fine, what am I supposed to say?” 

“God damn it,” Dirk says, and Roxy shakes the scarf at him. 

“Take it,” she says. He hesitates. “Do it for Jane, Dirk,” she insists, nudging her chin in her direction. Jane still has her head buried in her arms, and her shoulders are shaking with what Dirk thinks is laughter she’s desperately trying to keep quiet. “For Jane.” 

“God – fine, Jesus, give it here,” he snaps, and Jake makes a derisive little sound, and Dirk elbows him in the ribs, hard. Jake shoves him back. “Asshole,” Dirk mutters. 

“Y’all are so sweet,” Roxy says, fluttering her lashes, again, and Jane lifts her head. Her glasses are crooked on her face. She sits up and straightens them, calmly. 

“I’m going to flag down the waiter, now,” she informs them, in tones that aren’t to be argued with. “And we’re all going to forget that any of this ever happened.” 

“Amen,” Dirk says. 

“Roger that,” Jake agrees. 

“Fiiiine,” Roxy sighs, and Jane nods – but Crocker convinction and all, she still can’t quite meet his eyes for the rest of the night. 

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is in response to an anonymous prompt - originally posted on my Tumblr at [@landofsomethingsomething](http://landofsomethingsomething.tumblr.com) (feel free to send some prompts of your own!)


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